On the Road

Most of my time is spent on the road. I work out of cafes and hotels and restaurants and railway stations and airline lounges and other places and attempt to adapt to the particular circumstances and environment that I find myself in each day. I must confess that it is sometimes a bit of a struggle.

Few Australian’s know what all this means because most of them who do have jobs have both a home base and a work place and never the twain shall meet. It's usually all very nice and compartmentalised at $17/hour.

Now there are a few things that I have come across in my travels that cause me much mirth and humour. And I want to share some of those with you - Virginia. Because we all need a good laugh.

* Giggling Gertie. Have you ever been in a public place and had your ears and eyes assaulted by "Giggling Gertie"? The usually fat, dumb arsed, loud mouth who is sitting down with her mates and regularly cacking herself at a volume and tone that causes the entire establishment to cringe. No - you should get out more! Yes - well it is happening to me right now and I am glaring at her - but it seems not to be making any difference ;-)

* Loud Cafe Music. How many times have I walked into a cafe, sat down and fired up my laptop to check my email - to have the smart arsed Gen-Y attendant wind up the volume - and think that I will be impressed by his dexterity? Are they dumb - yes? Do they understand why I am there - No? They think they are value adding! And telling them doesn't work - because they already *know* everything.

* Sports Bars. Or worse to wander into a sports bar at the precise moment that the dogs at Dapto are about to jump and be confronted by every loud, illiterate and innumerate punter for miles around who is going to make his fortune in the sixth. Because they are all males - few females inhabit sports bars. The few females there are under sufferance and because their *man* has a habit to look after.

* Shitty Service is my favourite. Have you ever wandered into a *so called* 5 star establishment and been confronted by a wait person who looks you in the eye and says sweetly - "I won't be a moment" and then proceeds to spend 20 minutes talking with their mates, picking their date, working on the crossword or faffing about. What is especially annoying is when all the staff do it - all the time. I have learnt that "I won't be a moment" is code for "I am a dumb-arse and this establishment doesn't care about you". These establishments used to be 2 star but they spent buckets of someone else’s money and that automatically upgraded them to 5 - or not.

Ah the life of a *roadie*.